I thought I would share with you what led me to write this one. Things have been moving along wonderfully with physical therapy and I am walking pretty good. Just need to build up my strength and endurance and i will be as good as new (hahahaha). Anyway, many of you know that our house is stock full of dogs - 1 mini schnauzer, 2 standard schnauzers and a lab/chow mix - and they seem to think they own the house. Well, it was late and I was tired so I didn't bother turning on the light to see where I was going and lo and behold, I stumbled right into the huge lab and felt myself falling forward (deja vu to the fall that fractured my femur a few months ago). God was looking out for me and somehow I managed to keep from hitting the floor but my mind went into "that place" pretty quickly. But, as before I have to say "Thank you God for catching me and not letting me fall" - seems like this is getting to be a habit for me so I better really focus on balance at physical therapy.
Ripped from Reality (by KWR 7/08)
Darkness...not just in the room...
my mind running rampant...
entering places it has no business to go...
too much to consider...
too much to bear...
In just a moment I am ripped away from my security
Falling, both in body and mind, in a slow motion sort of way
Captured midair & saved from sure destruction
Safety now should be in my minds forefront
But no...it cannot be...
Fear enters in with no desire to be free
my mind goes black
flashes of red-firey anger light up my thoughts
Flashbacks to a time not so long ago
one step into darkness where a dog lies ahead
it's not in my mind...though I wish it were
captured beneath his weight only a small part of me
I hear the noises
I feel the pain
ripped from my limbs
muscles spasms acting as if trying to release themselves from me
Pain, it radiates up & down my very being
or is it just a figment of my mind
how much is true...how much imagined...
Reality means so little right now
Imagination & fear have made an outcast out of him
It can't be...I won't let it happen to me
my life is mine..fear can't take it's place
too much good lies ahead
I can't get frozen with unfounded fear
I can't waste this life of mine
The horror of it all keeps luring me in
I see it happening all over again
trying to lock me up inside my mind
leaving me in a void from which I might never return
Sinking...deeper into despair
will it ever stop? will it ever end?
tears are steaming down my face - no end in sight
am I strong enough to fight it or will this ruin my life?
Wait - what's that - a glimmer of hope
2 dogs wrapped around me licking away all my tears
my knight shows up - a calming influence at last
One small little pill & the fear relaxes its hold on me
it isn't instantaneous but I feel it
easing its pressure to quash me for good
my mind no longer functioning
my muscles going numb
I stare up at the ceiling fan and envision all my fears
being lifted up and away from me
sucked up into the vents to be locked up
in a hell of their very own - far away from me
One more day done...one more fight won
if only I could go to sleep with the knowledge that it won't happen anymore
but life isn't offering any guarantees for me
so as I am drifting off I'll fill my mind
with images of stomping out this fear from deep within
and locking it up into a cage from which it can never set itself free
never again able to come back and haunt me
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